Unless You've Been There....

Tuesday, March 30 2009.  This morning we will lay to rest Chris' Aunt, Marianne Marcus.  Hard to believe she is gone and so quickly.  We attended the viewing yesterday, briefly, and she looked very nice.  The funeral home did a wonderful job. I have never really noticed the "overwhelming" smell of flowers at a viewing before but I did yesterday..must have been the Easter lillies.

Am hoping today that I have a better feeling than I have the past few days..been kind-a negative and cranky.  Could it be due to my 19 year old daughter leaving home?  Probably a little. Could it be due to the fact a family member has passed?  Probably a little.  But I think it is more to the fact that is has been OVER 5 months since Chris left home for work...

UNLESS YOU'VE BEEN THERE..please STOP telling me you know how I feel.  PLEASE stop comparing his being gone to that of an enlisted soldier.  I know how hard it is to have a loved one gone in the military..I grew up army.  But that life-style was chosen..you know when you en-list that there could be the possibity your loved one will be gone for an extended period of time.  I know it doesn't make it any easier except for the fact that the one at home still has money for bills, isn't worried about moving and has a support group at the base and can talk with other spouses in regards to being "alone".  What do we have?  The spouses of "work widows"..those of us that have been thrust into this life-style due to falling economy. I've looked for "support groups" not found one yet.  That is why I started this blog..to not only VENT but to hope and pray someone out there in computer land reads this and goes HEY I AM IN THE SAME 'BOAT" let's chat.

I appreciate the "ohh this must be so hard on you" (not really but thanks)...I know this is hard on you (no you really don't know)  The most I appreciate is the prayers...but what I really need is HELP.   I am a do it yourself kind of person, like my spouse.  If it needs to be done we will do it.  Well with my herniated disc in my back and the worsening pain from it I am forced to sit on the side-lines and try and get my girls to help.  Sometimes it works, more often not.  I give up asking. 

For instance yesterday I stood in my office on the 2nd floor of our home and looked at the front yard.  Looked at all the dead scrub from my mums and other returning flowers..it needs cut back and groomed PLUS it will make the house look better for potential buyers.  I mentioned it to the girls a few times..Little things like that that need to be done that I can't do.  Yes I could slowly make my out there but heaven forbid that I do go do it and a photo gets snapped of me out there "working".  There would go my case against workers comp. - they dropped me saying I can go back to work..my job; merchandising clothing on my feet anywhere from a min. of 4 hours to 8-10hours!  Are they nuts!!

Okay I've vented.  This too shall pass.  I know God has a plan for us, a new road to follow.  But UNLESS YOU'VE BEEN THERE please don't tell me you know how I feel.  Pray for us, come over and visit, offer to help, bring a bottle of wine and sit on my porch with me.  Just don't say it...UYBT!!!

May God bless you and your family and IF YOU ARE THERE PLEASE CHAT BACK!!!